After being married for 14 years and serving my church as a Teen Minister and Group Leader, I suddenly found myself facing the realization that my faith was not built on genuine a relationship with God. I then realized that I did not even have a genuine relationship to draw upon from my childhood; as it was filled with physical, mental and emotional abuse stemming from alcoholism throughout my broken family. I had been, and was, dependent upon on the admiration of others to fulfill my own sense of worth.

Not able to cope with these stark realizations, I started to party more and became less attentive to my daughters. Finally, I left my marriage and was divorced in 2001. With my new found freedom, I purposely started finding ways to cover up my pain and agony by gaining a new set of friends that loved to party. I started riding with biker gang members because of their loyalty and friendship that seemed so desirable and fed my constant need for validation. I became a drug user and dealer, who bought anything and fought anyone, if it would allow me to be "The Man" (accepted).

It wasn't long before my business, which was entrusted to me by my former boss (and father figure), started to fail. My addiction to drugs, alcohol and women, and most importantly, my fear of being alone, started to consume me. Out of desperation I did the hardest thing I could ever imagine. I went to my former boss and told him of the life I had been living; knowing I would disappoint him, which was what I feared the most. He was not surprised with this news, and with the first evidence of Christ's love I had seen in years, he simply accepted me and encouraged me to turn back to God. I didn't believe the solution to the mess I had made could be that easy. I couldn't see how God would take me back after all the hurt I had caused my family and others through my negative influence with drugs on their lives. None the less, he knelt with me as I prayed this specific prayer "Lord; whatever it takes, please slow me down and bring me back to you, but please still allow me to be a blessing to others."

Three days later, I was involved in a high speed and very violent motorcycle crash. The crash resulted in 13 broken bones, multiple head injuries, and the amputation of my left leg. I never once doubted I was on God's path of redemption during this difficult time. Yet when I caught a staph, septic, and strep infection all at the same time, I found my faith in God wavering. The doctors performed five amputation procedures on my leg in an attempt to cut away the infection, before they said that was all they could do. Spending those days in torment and doubt, my body ravaged with high fevers and severe pain and facing certain death, brought me to the realization of what God wanted from me. Reflecting back to my specific prayer, I said "whatever it takes" and "use me", which meant that I had to surrender everything I am (even my life) for my prayer to be effective for God. It was then I could hear him saying "You're going to be okay and I'm going to use you in a great way."

Since that difficult time, the Lord has continued in his promise to use me and I have willingly submitted my life to him in a manner that is best described as "whatever it takes." I hope my life is a true reflection of the love, grace and mercy God has for you, no matter what you have done in your past.

Please visit 12 Stones Fellowship and feel free to talk to me if you have any questions!
-Dito Padro